Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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