Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
