I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
