Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My ass is underappreciated
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
