Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
