people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We need to rekindle our bromance
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
