Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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