the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
