God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
