this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
