Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
