I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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