She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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