i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Sober January is a disaster.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
