remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
