Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Your topless pictures make me question reality
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
