Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
