Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
