every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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