why im i the only drunk person in the library?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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