I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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