my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
