I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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