i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
