Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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