Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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