If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
