Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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