I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Randomize
