using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
