just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
