The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
