SEEEEXXX PLEASE
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
