Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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