I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
