I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
