I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
