life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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