It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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