i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
