2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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