If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
