No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
