Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
