And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
