Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
