He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
