A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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