Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
