I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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