And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
