$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
